Having babies back to back

So my kids are exactly a year and 5 days apart.

Pat and I have always been broke which isn’t unusual, for young people. We had just had Zaden and living in a two bedroom apartment with a room mate. More kids was definitely not in the plan.  I had been meaning to get on birth control but hadn’t due to procrastination and being exhausted from a new baby. Zaden was about 3 months old when I finally made an appointment to go in and get some. Finally my appointment came.

Of course I had to go take a urine sample, and after that i sat in the room patiently waiting for the doctor.

The doctor finally came in and asked, “So what can I do for you today?” and I replied saying, “I would like to get on birth control.”

I wasn’t even expecting what she was about to tell me.

“Well I think your urine came back positive for being pregnant.” My heart stopped it seemed like and I said “are you sure?”

“Let me go check one more time and make sure it was you.”

waiting waiting waiting, scared out of my mind, hoping she was wrong.

“Yes your pregnant.” the doctor said. I don’t think she was really expecting to see me burst in tears. I couldn’t believe it. I know i know, i was stupid for not being more careful, i should have expected it. After i left i called Pat and was crying my eyes out

“Whats wrong babe?” Pat asked

“I’m i’m i’m PREGNANT AGAIN!!!!” I replied sobbing

I really didn’t know what to do with the hand we had been dealt. What do i tell my parents and family. That their irresponsible daughter is pregnant again 3 months after having her first baby. Trust me at the time my mind was exploring all my options. Pat stood his ground though and sat me down and said that there was no way we would get rid of this baby.

My mom took it ok. I’m sure she was a little upset but what could she do. My dad was really upset I think. Well not upset but worried about me,

8 months later I had a beautiful little girl that I’m proud to call my daughter. I’m glad I didn’t. We are still broke haha, but we try our best to make it all work, and we have constant help from family.  I love my family and both my kids. They are the most amazing to kids in the world.

When my kids were born

 

 

 

Zaden boo

 

Delilah baby

 

Independent Baby

O.k so i have nothing against parents who are constantly giving their kids attention. 

but…

from what i’ve learned especially with my kids that a sense of independence, even at a young age, never hurts.

I don’t pick my kids up every time they cry, unless they are really hurt. I don’t go in the bedroom at bedtime because they are crying constantly. People told me that when you put your toddler or baby to bed, you need to go in every ten min while they are awake and crying so they know that you are still there and to comfort them. 

I’m not talking about newborns right now that’s a different story, but when they hit about 7 months, i started putting my kids to bed and maybe i checked on them once of twice. 

I am not gonna keep walking in every ten min because my kids will stay up thinking every time they cry mamas gonna walk in and comfort me. 

NO.

and guess what

when i don’t check on them, i turn off the lights 

10 to 15 min later they fall asleep.

 

My kids are very independent. They did lots of tummy time, or time in their swings and time playing with toys. I also made sure i constantly had people over to keep them busy and social. and now my kids love visitors! Not scared of anyone!

I guess what I am trying to say right now parents is…

Back off a little!!! Everyone parents different and every child is different.

But this is what worked for me. 

Not interested in sex

Ok, so it’s not that i’m not interested in sex, it’s that I can’t stand to be touched because of how ticklish i am, I can’t seem to get the energy together to have sex.

It all started when I got pregnant with Delilah. My sweet little girl who absolutely wrecked my body in every aspect. Once i got pregnant with her, sex was just not something i was interested in. And no it’s not because of the man I with, it has nothing to do with him. It’s all me. I literally am so sensitive to any touch, any caressing, any nibbles, i just can’t. 

Trust me it’s been a non stop problem with Patrick and it makes sense. He thinks it’s him. He thinks he’s not good enough. 

But really it’s just me. Delilah is about to be 2 in a few months and I still am the same way. So some pregnancy things followed me out of pregnancy, I would love to have an amazing sex life, but i can’t force myself to not get the eebee jeebies when i’m touched anywhere. 

Maybe my low sex drive is due to estrogen levels. 

I don’t know what it is.

 

I’m no supermom…

I’m not the type of mom that goes on walks everyday, i don’t make food from scratch, I don’t have a full day planner, I’m not a morning person, I do enjoy how easy spaghettios are, my hair is a mess half the time and no i do not shower daily, i rarely do my make up, I am a smoker,, I’ve always been a lazy person, my apartment is usually a disaster, the list goes on and on and on. But as much as I don’t do, I make up for in love and being content and making sure my kids are happy and healthy. As exhausted I am most of the time, I do what needs to be done for my kids. We try very hard with what little we do have. 

and my son….

Just showing my daughter off =]

Pushy Moms

I don’t know about anyone else, but when someone tells me how I should raise my kids, I get a little annoyed. There’s a big difference between stating your opinion and pushing your opinion on others. If I want to stop breastfeeding my child and put them on formula, if I propped his/her bottle, if I spank my child (a swat on the butt so there is no misunderstanding) If you think my child is cold and I don’t, don’t tell me to put more clothes on him/her, If I don’t feed them the healthiest of meals, If it’s not organic,, trust me I don’t care for your opinion. If i asked for her then go ahead and give me some advice, but if I didn’t, you can go ahead and shut your mouth. I’m pretty sure every mother feels that way. I’ve been told the craziest of crazy things including “if you don’t hold your baby enough, they will become serial killers.” Stop making other women feel bad about how they are raising THEIR child. And poor pregnant woman who are already uncomfortable enough, and have enough things to worry about, don’t need to hear your opinions about, getting their baby vaccinated or not, are you eating the right foods, don’t drink soda, don’t do this or do this. It’s absolutely insane. I think that a lot of women, paint this picture in their heads the day they find out they are pregnant about how they want it to be, and what they want to do for their baby and what they don’t want to do, and if anyone comes in and tells them otherwise it just ruins that whole plan they had. It doesn’t mean you are a bad mom because you don’t do this or that. The only people who can judge you are your children. and that’s it.

Patrick Michael<3

This is Patrick.

He is the father of my children, my support system, my lover, my team mate.

We have been together for almost 4 years now, and they have been amazing. There have been a lot of ups and downs, but no matter what life throws at us we get through it as a team. 

We tend to have some jealousy, but it’s something we are ok with in our relationship. We are the type of couple that doesn’t think it’s ok to check out other people. Some people say I must be an idiot to think that Pat doesn’t check out other girls, because he’s a guy and all guys must only think with their penis, but Pat really doesn’t. It’s a respect thing. 

We fight all the time, but we love more. We are young, we both have done stupid things in our relationship but we work it out and move on. If you dwell on the past, its just going to make everything more complicated. 

I’m glad he’s the one I had kids with. 

Things will always get hard but i wouldn’t want to face those things with anyone else.

Delilah Capri<3

My little Delilah, my mini me, my second baby, She is fearless, a little tomboy, funny, loves to dance, probably the most beautiful little girl in the world. (well in my eyes at least) I was so happy to find out i was having a little girl. I remember the ultrasound tech saying before telling us the sex said, “well get ready to put bars on your windows!” I was gonna be able to experience dressing her up and doing her hair(when she actually grows some hair). She has such a personality and the age she is at right now if my absolute favorite age, and soon she will be experiencing the terrible twos like her brother. Delilah is very funny. She knows how to stand her ground with her brother, even if she usually loses. She’s also a daddy’s little girl. She loves snuggling with Patrick, and he can’t get enough of her. She’s very smart, but instead of learning stuff from us, she learns most stuff from her brother. I was so scared when i had kids back to back. Zaden and Delilah are literally a year and 5 days apart. Zaden is feb 11th and Delilah is feb 16th, but now I am happy because i know they will always be close. They can watch out for eachother. It’s very comforting for me to know that.